Only Child Project General Discussion


Only Children Forums Discussion Forum Only Child Project General Discussion

This topic contains 235 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  maalvika 4 years, 11 months ago.

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    You can ask questions, post comments and answer other parents’ questions.
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    A –
    Try not to worry about what your son’s life will be like years from now. Who knows what will happen. Enjoy your family today, as it is now. I am an only, dealing with my mom in a nursing home. People ask me if it’s difficult doing it myself. Well, yes, it is. But I think it would be worse if I had a sibling who wasn’t helping. At least now I know what my role is and where I stand. And I am not alone in my life – I have a great husband and 2 great kids. Just the other day someone asked if I am lonely. I laughed. Yeah, maybe I was lonely 40 or 50 years ago, but now being an only is sort of a moot point.



    I guess my biggest concern is that feeling that time is passing by so quickly – even more so lately it seems. I just don’t want to have any regrets. I don’t want to resent my carefree husband who flys by the seat of his pants and doesnt seem too concerned at all about this. I hate to feel like our little family is here by accident. Unplanned. And somehow we’re just doing our best to work around it. Makes me feel so lonely, shallow and selfish. I love love love my almost 9-year-old son and it just breaks my heart that I couldn’t or can’t make it right for him. I brought him into this mess and I can’t start over again. Honestly, my logical side knows I’m crazy to really consider having another child now. It makes very little sense. People don’t ever ask me when I will have another one either. It’s like they are jealous of our little family. They tell me how lucky I am to have the best of both worlds. How I shouldnt consider starting over now. How tiring raising multiple children is. How the economy is so bad and we are smart to stop now. How siblings don’t make it easier either because they end up fighting a lot and might just be very different in personality so that they are never close anyway. And all of these things make sense.

    But here’s the thing: they aren’t the ones who will be an only child. They aren’t the ones who have a higher risk of being alone on family-oriented holidays. They aren’t the ones who will have to carry the sole burden of ailing parents….alone at the funerals….they make a point when they imply we’ll be better off now financially– but really, what’s more important – money or family? Can you really put a price on love? I don’t know. Most days I’m happy and content with the way things are….and then I find myself overwhelmed with these fears that I’m making a huge mistake.



    I am sorry to hear your story BUT I wouldn’t push to have another child just to have another prson to take care of us when we get older or to help out in certain circumstances.



    I’m an only child and it sucks.I have no close friends because when I was a child I had and still do have epilepsy.I am now 55 and I have a mother who had a stroke.I take care of her by myself.I don’t drive any more so you have to find someone to take you where you need to go I hate this I fell like a burden.I was married but not now.It felt funnie with my wifes family she came from a family of 14 children.We still talk and have 2 children.



    Hi all,
    I am an only who currently has a 2-year old son. After having one, I know now that I do not want another for the various reasons posted above (finances, career, stress levels, my own happy childhood, etc.). But, my husband does not agree and this is causing a lot of friction! Does anyone have any tips about how to talk to a spouse about this? I would appreciate any advice, thanks!



    Well, I agree that some people do have more kids when they can least afford it! For instance, I once read a book where a woman with one child and living on social security (British version of welfare) was undergoing artificial insemination to have another. Mind you, I don’t have anything against welfare for people who really need it, and I might have been more understanding if this woman had become pregnant accidentally and didn’t want an abortion or didn’t have any children at all, but here I think she was overstepping her bounds.

    I understand as well when you say that maybe having another baby would disrupt your present lifestyle. In my view, I’m open to adoption when my daughter is a little older. But while often people want to adopt small babies, I might be inclined to adopt a six-month- to two-year-old (unfortunately many children older than that have undergone abuse and may have behavioural problems, and I wouldn’t feel equipped for that challenge) because number one, I’ve given away most of my baby stuff and two, I’m not sure I’d want to go through the colic, waking up during the night, etc. Not that either was too bad with my daughter, but I think I’ve done my duty in this regard!



    Emilia,sorry if I sounded wrong there.I am talking MORE of people I know about having more kids and NOT thinking.

    I would L O V E to have more kids but it has been 10 years now and we are finally comfortable with our financial standings.The thing is hubby said OK if that is what I want,I don’t know what I want anymore.YES if it would be an easy pregnancy on me(????)and if we could afford an add on(we only have a 2 bedroom,so if we had a girl))The economy is playing a big role in our decision(for me)I don’t want our family to suffer at any cost BC of my want in life.The fact that our famiy would change dramatically. Zachary is at that age where he is ok with being an only(((at times)).Do I really want to go through the whole baby stage and all that comes with it.I guess it would be easier if I or hubby got fixed(haha that just sounds funny:)
    Maybe I should try this year to give this desire up!!!!!Anyone else feeling this way.



    To Diana, I’d say don’t have another baby unless you’re absolutely 100% sure that’s what you want to do. And maybe you might want to wait a few more years even if you do decide to have another.

    To Jamie, my brother and his wife have three kids. I think the third was a bit of a surprise but not so much of a surprise. From what my sister-in-law told me, they weren’t using reliable contraception, and they had kind of been discussing having another child for some time. But now my sister-in-law is adamant they’re done! So I don’t think they necessarily had a baby without thinking of the consequences. I am sure if they were having financial troubles they would have used trustworthy contraception. Yes, some people do have children without thinking, but for others it’s a deliberate decision, even if it might be the decision I would make (for instance, I like having more one-on-one time for my daughter, so for example having children less than two years apart would have a non-option for me).

    I spent some time with my brothers’ kids this week (a six- and three-year-old and a seven-month-old baby). I really love seeing them, but it corroborates in my mind that there is no way I would have more than child close in age at one time. Then I always like going back to my quiet household with one child…



    I wonder if those families that are having more children even think about PRICES and COSTS of having another kid at all.We have been thinking on IF we were to have another child could we even afford it,would I still be able to stay-at-home and homeschool???????The cost of everything is always going up and gas prices now are CRAZY..
    How do they actually live comfortably withoput worrying if they can give their family the neccessities that they need.
    My brother has 3 girls and they are always buying NEW clothes and the newest items on the market BUT then at thea same time they are hurting BC I see it and they even lost their home and now are renting.
    Why is it that some can just keeping having kids without even thinking???????


    Diana/ California

    Hi Everyone,
    I am new to this discussion, but find it oh so helpful! My husband and I always talked about having 2 kids, but now we are enjoying our 2 year old daughter so much, happy that she is hitting her milestones and questioning whether we want to start the whole process over again. My biggest concerns are companionship for her as she grows up and making sure she has family around her after we are gone. I know, rationally, these concerns are easily addressed in life – but it still all weighs on my brain.
    Thank you for this forum to get parents talking!

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