Only Child Project General Discussion

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[adminKeymaster]

Thanks for your comment. Its always nice to hear from authors whose work has been reviewed here.
The comment is followed by a smiley, and was not meant to be taken literally.

I agree with many of the things that you say in Part 1 of your book. However, many readers of this site (Only Child Project) point out that when they read through the articles, the general tone is pro only child, and imply that it reads like propaganda to them. I just smile 🙂 🙂 May not agree, though!

I have another review of the same book and will put it online when I find it. Must be in my old drive or someplace ❓

[adminKeymaster]

Thanks for your post J.
The sources for this article are various: books on only children, research papers on only children, and those on birth order.
Why I say this is that many forget that their first-born was an only child for a few years.
As you say, yes, some of these studies may be ‘vague’. But it is quite difficult to dismiss birth order studies- same family, same social class, same parents too :))
Having higher IQ in itself does not make a happy child, nor qualify parents as being the best. For argument’s sake, you could call higher IQ as a ‘side-effect’ of being an only. And this applies to the first born too- even in a family with lots of kids.
Once again, thanks for stopping by and posting. It helps all of us when we have a discussion when everyone shares their thoughts. And as I glean from your post, sometimes other people feel that parents of onlies are an island to themselves. Are we cheering for the home team? 😕

[J]

I’m still deciding whether or not to have another child or stick to just the one I have. I found this article insightful but can’t help but question the sources, particularly the study about first borns having a higher IQ. It appears to be written to appeal to parents of single children by stating information that is more or less ‘in the eye of the beholder’ as fact based on vague studies. I recently discovered this site and will continue to read on I…thanks for posting these articles.

[tammy]

Angela…it is very normal for a child of 3 to get bored, He would get bored even if he had a sibling. I also have a son who is 21/2 and we live in a isolated area,but I let him find things to do to entertain himself..you should not feel the need to always keep him busy. My nieces complain all the time that there bored and there’s nothing to do, they have each other ,but thats all they do is fight! I’d rather have one little bored boy then 2 fighting little girls!

[Wanda]

Great article. This is an area that we often struggle with. Most think it is adorible, but I feel like a failure when my daughter would rather have adult converastions then go out and play with children her own age. Although I was much like her and I am from a family with 4 children. Maybe this is more a personality thing then an only child thing.

[jeanne]

I understand the guilt and heartbreak your son’s longing for a sibling must have loaded on you. I have an only son also, although he’s not quite three, I know the day will come when he vocalizes the same longing. Try not to beat yourself up too much; I can remember as a child wishing I DIDN’T have a sibling!!:-)
We have gone back and forth about having a second child, but without going into too many details, we have accepted that this is how our family was meant to be. Our wonderful son IS adopted, by the way. We never actually tried to conceive on our own; our son came to us in a way that could only be fate and I could not love him any more if I had carried him in my own womb. I tell you this in case you ultimately decide you want to expand your family. Adoption is a wonderful thing.

[Jen]

My reason for having one child is simple: we are fulfilled and happy as a family of three. I love that I can enjoy my son completely and not have to divide my time between 2 or more children. I love the close relationship my husband and I have with our son. My son is independent, social, considerate of others and enjoys the company of other children. It all comes down to what is expected of and modeled for your child.

[Anonymous]

I am so glad to find this site. We have a 5 year old and have tried 5 ivf’s in 4 years but no second child. We decided to throw in the towel and embrace/enjoy the life God has given us. But today driving home from a playdate, my son sadly said he “wished he always had someone to play with at home like a brother or sister.” I knew that would probably come out one day but not this early. I didn’t know what to say. He was tearing up and tried to wipe away the tears so I didn’t see them. It totally broke my heart in a way I have never known. There is no other option for us as far as more siblings unless we adopt, which we decided we weren’t going to do. Anyway, the pain eases when I read all of your posts. Thank you for your support.

[Jay]

There is a lot of helpful, comforting information on this site. Thank you!

[Heather]

I just found this website and I have been crying for twenty minutes. Everything I am feeling, right here, without judgement. I unfortunately had to have a hysterectomy and although I am blessed with a wonderful son, I always thought there would be more children. A house full. Coming to terms with this is hard, finding this website will help. Thank you.

[Author]

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