Only Child Project General Discussion

You can ask questions, post comments and answer other parents’ questions.

Topic

[Debby]

I had a sister and I felt the same way. I don’t think it is the fact that you are a single child, it is your parents who did not engage with others and did not make your holidays and vacation special.

[Julie]

Thank you for both the pro and con articles to homeschooling an only child. We are still debating the subject for our son. So many articles you read is about a family of 2 or more children, and I was wondering the impact on an only child.

[momofone]

my only son is 9yrs old. When he is around children he seems to get along with the layed back kid not trhe hyper or pushy one. And one At a time. So if any more that one kid comes around to play with he seems to have a difficult time socializing and being “let in” and then feeling left out. What can i do about this??

[mary]

My reasons for having only one child is becuase my husband and I are both happy with our only daughter,she is 8 and a smart, healthy girl , but recently she has started to complain about being the only one, she thinks there is something wrong with her life, she sometimes even expresses her fears of future, when there would be no parents, that has made us revieiw our decision , I am 34 and was always thinking that one is enough, but it seems that our daughter doesnt appreciate all she has, and just thinks about the only thing she doesnt have : Sibling .
I m afraid this would leave her with lots of other issues, any suggestions for me?

[karen]

Let’s hope after we pass away our children will all have spouses, children and alot of friends to network with. My biggest concern is a normal childhood.

[lockness]

Great article!! yes!! I need to come to terms with my own cravings in order to prevent my daughter from feeling the same loss or emptiness. Im just trying to figure out how to deal with my physiological (not logical!) craving for a child. Women out there, know what I mean?? That deep sensation of wanting to feel “full” again…

[lockness]

oh, and to ammend– I know that the lack of second child is not a “loss”

[lockness]

it can get a little overwhelming scheduling all the playdates. but i know it is necessary. but i do envy families with a lot of children sometimes. the tribal element is so powerful

[Monica]

Hi Christine,

I can understand your son’s attraction to other kids. My dd is very fond of people too. She seldom asks for toys, but always asks for friends. Initially, when she was 2, I used to feel very bad when she would ask for friends to play with. Over time, I figured out that “information is vital”. I collected information about various activities that took place in our neighborhood: libraries, nature centers, malls etc, and passed the information to other parents. Most of the parents appreciated it. After the so called activity (story time at the library or puppet show at nature center), we mothers hung out with the kids for sometime or had small picnics. It was a joy to watch my little one having fun.

Now she is 8, and I still do the same! I conduct some activities during the long holidays and invite her friends, or take them to museums etc. Some parents reciprocate, and some will take a free ride. Initially, it irked me that some people were taking advantage of me. But I changed my attitude. I learned that it doesn’t matter: if my dd is having a wonderful relationship with her friends I need to nurture it.

Also, dh reminds our dd that, in spite of having many friends, there will be days when she may not have anyone to play with. And even if there are friends, she might not get along with some them that day, and these are normal things.

Providing playmates for our little ones is a long process. It takes time and effort. I still spend a lot of my time (advantage of having an only child!) planning things so that she will have as many friends as possible around her.

Regarding your only child decision- since you have a very close relationship with your sister, encourage your son to have a close relationship with your sister’s kids. See if it works out, and if they get along well, he will not miss having siblings. It takes some effort on your part though: planning vacations together…

[Christine]

I’m 39 and my son is 2 1/2. My relationship with my husband is not great (strained most of the time) but we both love our son very much. I am so torn on this whole issue. I had a friend that was an only child and she absolutely hated it. I do everything with my son but I see how he lights up when other kids are around and when we go to the playground he always asks where the other kids are. I think about the financial aspect of having another child and putting additional strain on out finances. However, my sister always tells me that I will be able to find the money. I think about when I die, who will my son have? My mother died 6 years ago and I can’t imagine not having my sisters. I have been struggling over this issue daily for about a year now.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[Author]

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