Only Child Project General Discussion

You can ask questions, post comments and answer other parents’ questions.

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[Lolarita]

Cat, don’t sweat it. People often want to justify their own choices by making sure everyone else makes the SAME choices that they did. It’s BS. What’s right for my family is not right for everyone. What’s right for your family, Mr. or Ms. Nosebody, is not right for everyone. Statistics show that only about 50% of siblings have good relationships as adults. So, it’s a crap shoot. Another child might be your child’s best friend, or worst enemy or a complete nonentity. So, just learn to smile and say “this is what’s best for OUR family.”

[adminKeymaster]

Alright guys…we are having a record number of visitors this week, and still almost no one is posting their Only Child experience 🙁
Please, please, please, put your comments here. It helps everyone.
Thanks for visiting!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Cat]

Moustachue – Congrats on your upcoming adoption! It sounds like you are very happy with your situation so why should you change it.

I’m actually very close with all 3 of my sisters so I do feel a bit of guilt and regret that my daughter will miss out on those relationships. But, at the same time, I don’t feel like it’s the best choice to have another child to try to make my current one happier later in life. We have a number of cousins that live near us so we try to organize lots of play dates and sleepovers. So, I hope that she will remain close to them as she gets older.

[Moustachue]

Hi everyone,

I’m one of those who have been stalking the forum without ever posting my story. Thank you Admin for giving me a nudge in the right direction. 😉

Katharine, I know exactly what you’re talking about. I’m very introverted myself and absolutely need my alone time (for my sanity!). Also, the time I spend with my son is very important to me and I feel that it wouldn’t be as much quality time if I had to take care of more than one… I would definitely not be as good a parent. Only speaking for myself here, obviously.

Here’s my story : My girlfriend and I are foster parents (soon to be adoptive parents) to a 20-month old boy. He has been living with us since he was 3 months old. A year before he arrived, we had been mothers to another baby boy but the adoption process fell through, a situation that will not happen this time, thankfully.

Our son is a very very charming and funny kid. We LOVE him. I have a hard time imagining what life would be like with another child. I’m very happy this way and so is he, so far.

My only concern is not for now or the next few years but rather when he’s older. I personally know a few adult onlies who wished they had a brother or sister even considering the relationship wouldn’t be perfect. I get it… I’m the youngest of four and eventhough we’re not all that close, it means something to me to have them around. So it’s adult life I worry about. Not that much but I do think about it.

With that said, I feel there’s a 95% chance our son will remain our only child and I really do believe it’s the right thing for our family.

[Rebekah]

Thank you Admin and Melissa for your kind wishes 🙂
And yes, Cat, I can understand your anger when people assume they know what is best for your family. I have been called ‘evil’ in a jokey manner by someone for wanting to stop at Callum and it made me even more determined to stick to what was best for us. Right now we have a great life being able to focus and enjoy our little boy. The dynamics of our family will change when the new baby comes along and we will grow with that but in the meantime we will relish the time with Callum. The good thing is that having one child is becoming more common so hopefully one day people will learn to accept it and not feel compelled to press their opinions on parents of onlies. Have a great week 🙂

[Melissa]

Cat-I feel your anger!!! I totally agree and I like how you put it- I don’t look in your grocery cart, so don’t look in mine!!!HA!
It is like some people think you have to have a dog, white picket fence, and 2.5 kids to be “normal” in society….I (and family are/am) happy to NOT be in that category.
If you and your spouse are happy, that is great! It is your life to live, your decisions you must live with, no one else’s responsibility.
Take Care everyone.

[Melissa]

Rebekah- Congratulations!
As far as a “surprise gift” happening- I can’t have any more children, but you bring a good point- sometimes life happens and you get pregnant again. I agree that one should be careful with birth control and also bear in mind that obviously these surprises can happen. I just realised that i didn’t really share my story about my only daughter…I will have to do that soon!

[Cat]

I just found this website today after being so annoyed with everyone’s comments on my decision to have just one child. I just don’t understand why people feel the need to tell me that “You absolutely must have another kid” (like it’s as simple as getting the latest shoe trend) or “How could you do that to your daughter?” I really get angry when people act like I am a bad mother to the one child I have because I don’t have any more kids. I have no idea why having another kid makes you a better mother.

My daughter Zoey is only 2 but I feel very content and confident (most of the time) about my decision to not have any more kids. My husband and I both come from families of four kids and we always thought they would have a bigger family. But, after a difficult pregnancy, I just knew that one was enough for me and our family of three seems complete. I even decided to take a year away from my career to be at home with Zoey and cherish the time we have together.

I truly feel for those of you who unable to have more children and really want them because I know how much I longed for my first kid. I just wish people would mind their business about why we have 1 kid or 10 kids. I don’t comment on the groceries in your cart so don’t comment on the number of kids in mine!

[adminKeymaster]

Let me be the first on this board to congratulate you!
‘do the crime, you do the time’:
Well, its not doing time really. Its a lot of work, though!
Just like we all preach about the benefits of having an Only, we can also come up with the joy and advantages of having a large family.
Our philosophy has been: One is nice, two is nice too, three is nice, four is nice too…But please don’t tell us One is bad- that’ll tick off a lot of people 🙂
I think you are the second one on this board to get into this situation almost right after making a “My Only Situation” post.
Please continue sharing your feelings and emotions as you go through the Only phase to a non-only phase.
Best Wishes!!!!

[Rebekah]

Hi again…needed to share this as we’re still in shock and find it all quite bizarre. I had bought 2 books on raising an only child which were great – ‘Parenting Your Only Child’ and ‘The Future of Your Only Child’ and after reading them felt really positive, inspired and happy that Callum would be our only child. I had finished reading one on the Thursday night.
The ironic bit…I was a bit late with my period but as this often happens,thought nothing of it…but to give ourselves peace of mind, in a rather off-hand manner I did a pregnancy test on Friday morning. It was early and my husband had already left for work. I nearly died of shock when I saw a positive result. To be honest we are both very subdued and not jumping for joy.
I know for those parents who want more than anything to have a second baby our reaction must seem ungrateful and almost ridiculous (you’d think at our age we would know how to use birth control…it was a case of us trying to use the Billings Method and obviously getting the timing wrong). I hope I’m not offending anyone by posting this, I just wanted to say that if you cherish and enjoy your only child family status and can’t envisage another child, be careful with birth control. It will all be good, of course we will love and adore the next baby (Callum was also unplanned and he is light of our lives) but it will change things beyond what we can imagine and quite frankly I’m scared! But you ‘do the crime, you do the time’ I suppose! Thanks for ‘listening’ and all the best to all you great Mums out there 🙂

[Author]

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