admin
Forum Replies Created
-
Replies
-
Thanks for your comment. Its always nice to hear from authors whose work has been reviewed here.
The comment is followed by a smiley, and was not meant to be taken literally.I agree with many of the things that you say in Part 1 of your book. However, many readers of this site (Only Child Project) point out that when they read through the articles, the general tone is pro only child, and imply that it reads like propaganda to them. I just smile 🙂 🙂 May not agree, though!
I have another review of the same book and will put it online when I find it. Must be in my old drive or someplace ❓
Thanks for your post J.
The sources for this article are various: books on only children, research papers on only children, and those on birth order.
Why I say this is that many forget that their first-born was an only child for a few years.
As you say, yes, some of these studies may be ‘vague’. But it is quite difficult to dismiss birth order studies- same family, same social class, same parents too :))
Having higher IQ in itself does not make a happy child, nor qualify parents as being the best. For argument’s sake, you could call higher IQ as a ‘side-effect’ of being an only. And this applies to the first born too- even in a family with lots of kids.
Once again, thanks for stopping by and posting. It helps all of us when we have a discussion when everyone shares their thoughts. And as I glean from your post, sometimes other people feel that parents of onlies are an island to themselves. Are we cheering for the home team? 😕Jan,
Thanks for sharing your experience here.
What are the top 3 things that really bother you about having an only child? Maybe listing them might help you as well as other readers. After you list them down here on your next comment, others might offer their views and help you feel better.
Don’t forget that sibling relationships sometimes turn out very bad.Thank you lo and Dani for stopping by. Good to know this site was of help!
Zacahry,
Just a suggestion here: try persuading your mom to read the article titled Adolescence and Your Only Child on this website.
Adminhmmmm, no replies yet- maybe I should jump in here.
Kelley: Kind of a difficult question, a difficult situation to analyze 🙁
Let me see….My first instinct would be to say that there would be a cancellation between the only child characteristics, that is, both will learn to get along. May be some difficulties in the beginning though.
It would help us if you can tell us something about the dynamics of this group of 9. Would be very interesting for readers here…
I feel that the onlies would end up getting along better, but a lot of it depends on parenting. Instead of accentuating the “stereotypes”, I guess it would only reduce it!
I would suggest you fix playdates with all the 9 if possible, and look at the dynamics. One on One playdates. Would be a nice little experiment 😉Since no one has replied yet, I thought I should share my thoughts here.
First of all, you are doing many of the right things.
As far as the things you feel are not going right- like having to keep him engaged or entertained- don’t you think he is too young and this is rather on the normal side of things?
Of course, it is time you started transitioning him out of that mode, but that is precisely what you are doing with playdates.
One thing I would suggest is that you should consider increasing the number of playdates- target 5 per week, and you will eventually end up with 2 or 3 per week. They are at a parallel play age, and there are chemistries to sync. Besides, it is important for the parents of both kids to get along well. And there are issues like scheduling, transportation, logistics, nap times etc…Sounds like a military operation, doesn’t it?
The only child will become independent if parents inculcate that in their child.
Consider these 2 points:
1) Since they have no siblings to guide them, in many ways they become independent faster. 2) However, since all of the parents’ time and attention is spent on the only child, he will stay dependent longer.
So I guess it all depends on the personality of the child, social circumstances, parenting, schooling and a lot of other factors.
It is normal for parents to be more stressed about their first child. By the time the second one comes, they are less stressed, more experienced (and if I might say so, less concerned). Being an only child’s parent, you just will be stressed for a much longer period!
Supporting his time alone:
You could start with more playdates. Consider going to the library twice a week, and let him lounge around and also pick books by himself. Lego sets are good- the interest in this might last for several years if they start young. This is the age when they are interested in water- lots of pans and cups and trucks going through water pools. Playdoh and lots of molds. A mini sand-pit can also keep little ones engaged. Try setting a trend of self-play from the very beginning (instead of you playing with him).
Good luck, and let us know how it goes.
Admin
PS: one activity at a time, stretched over half a day or so. Put the water, playdoh, sand and legos in together at the same time- and you end with mess all around and a disinterested child with a short attention span who will keep coming back to you to be a playmate. Your mileage may vary. Batteries not included 😉Found some more:
** We plan to clone our only child in 2008. Two, for the price of one.
** The last one didn”t come with any warranty or owner”s manual. The hospital refused to admit that they misled us. We are not going through with it again.
** But you can’t handle the truth.
** Why, why, why, oooohhhhh god, why????
** He had an accident, you know, there…
** My therapist doesn”t agree. Would you like a session with her, its only $300 an hour? May be you could convince her.Top 10 list of answers to the “When are you having a second child??”. There are more than 10 here. Not in any particular order. Apologies to the contributors- their names are not added in the list since it was taken out of a raw database. The forum will be re-installed soon. Waiting for a software update/ new version from WordPress…
1) We forgot the art of having kids. Tell me, oh, please tell me, howwww?
Changing diapers was fun in the begining, but as the baby grows up, it is not fun anymore. Why would I repeat this process?
2) I live in a country where I am not allowed to make choices.
3) I am trying to conserve resources and reduce global warming.
4) Its been done to death. I want to try this new trend.
5) It was part of my parole conditions.
6) My cult doesn”t allow it.
7) My spiritual master has warned me that my next child would not be a human but a Dodo coming back from extinction. I don”t like flightless birds, they are no fun to hunt.
8) One is simpler than two.
9) We tried artificial insemination, but the doctor is not upto it anymore.
10) We live in a homeless shelter these days, and you know what privacy there is like.
11) I signed a pledge with the government not to have any more. No, not the Federal Government.
12) We claim the only child tax benefit. We file our taxes in the Island of Taramaro Republic.
13) Our computer has been infected with a virus, and we are afraid it will spread to the baby that we conceive.I can understand your pain!!!
We had a “top 10″ list of answers to those who insist that you have a second child. It used to be in the discussion forums. We are trying to re-install the only child forum before the end of this month…
In the meantime, may be you should ask them for the money for the treatment. Or ask, for example, Aunt Sally why she had only 4 kids- didn’t she ruin it for them? She should have had 8, just like folks did in the early 1900s.
People just don’t get it- they don’t understand your feelings and inner turmoils.
